First Day of the Rest of My Life

Crashing waves. Romantic ambiance. True vintage. I cannot believe I live in Saint Augustine. I’m not sure how everyone is doing with those pesky resolutions, but I have none this year except to stay in the moment. 

I no longer claim to be stuck in the worst two and a half years of my entire life. God rescued me from tremendous heartbreak and grief. Looking back on my trials during and after COVID, all I feel is loss of dream home, loss of husband, and loss of father. These tragedies almost did me in, but I held on, trusting time to do its magic. I can testify that the Lord’s tool is pretty handy. I’m still standing.  

A new job has landed me in this glorious place. I humbly thank the little red schoolhouse in Acworth, Georgia, that incubated me for a spell. It was just what I needed to heal and strengthen for this new life direction. Returning to my theatrical roots feels fabulous. 

The Limelight Theatre has invited me into its family. It is a dynamic arts organization, presenting full seasons of musicals and plays with other special events in its own space. I’m already loving all of the colorful people where every day is a new day. 

Brewing apple cider last night whilst listening to the pleasing music of vielles, psaltries, and lutes from the middle ages, it hit me just how happy I finally am. Limelight is hosting a Shakespeare in the Parking Lot series with pursued by a bear Shakespeare troupe. Limelight has signature cocktails coinciding with most productions, and I was preparing concoctions for “The Bard’s Bar” with cider and Irish coffee.  

The hustle and bustle of opening night with fellow theatre lovers was the perfect prerequisite to watching A Midsummer Night’s Dream under Spanish moss with serenading crickets. The Limelight is a wonderful place to be, and I cannot wait to help grow its influence and capacity even further.

I appreciate all who have followed this very personal blog through anguish to happiness. This space will soon become Mary Claire Literary and morph into something more exciting, as I help others grow in their writing feats and represent child authors and writers with disabilities for publication. I will never stop the writing prompts and have plans to spearhead a new works festival. 

For now, I will roam these ancient streets, write in quaint coffee shops, and enjoy an abundance of seafood. Thanks be to God for new mercies every morning.

Quiet Gratitude

I have kept an enormous secret for almost three weeks. I did tell a few birdies who swore not to tell a soul. I normally love to share good or exciting news with family and friends, but I was in a delicate situation and had to keep quiet. 

What is the secret? I’m moving to the beach. 

Why? The Lord is good. 

I received an offer to become the Development Director at Limelight Theatre in St. Augustine. The morning of the official offer, my school principal was headed to Italy. She is a dear friend who gave me the wonderful opportunity to teach writing and theatre to children during the most painful time in my life. Working at Brookwood Christian School has been a rewarding experience, and I didn’t want to let the cat out of the bag while my fabulous principal was galavanting through Europe on a glorious trip.

I kept my news bottled up and followed her picturesque journey on Facebook. Exquisite meals on quaint streets by the Mediterranean. She and her friends joyfully sifting through ancient history. It was fun to watch her vacation. I didn’t dare mention my news. 

A gag order was very good for me. My news also landed at the dawn of the Israeli war. Following the horrors of the Gaza strip, hostage situations, bombs, and senseless loss of life minimized my own life’s importance. How in the world are my joys appropriate to celebrate when God’s land is in abject chaos and turmoil? 

I have actually been in quiet humility, thanking God for sailing me into a dream life on the Atlantic. Doing so has caused me to think strategically, downsize, and return to prayer. I don’t want to take any of this transition for granted. Living next to the ocean was a dream of my late husband’s. God has been faithful to me, even through anguish. 

It has been difficult losing my dream home, my husband, and my father in two year’s time. I got through it with God and support of family and friends. I have utilized this personal blog to process my grief and seemingly insurmountable circumstances. As I bled all over the keyboard, documenting my trials and tribulations, I thank all of you who came along for the ride. There will be even more changes in the new year, particularly to maryclairebranton.com. 

Era of Change

Change is frequently marked in eras, or eras mark change. The last two years of my life have been crammed full of so much change, I can only describe it as an era in and of itself. That, or a jarring time warp. Have you ever been so inundated with change, you find yourself begging to exit the time warp? 

I almost long for Groundhog Day conditions where I wake up and my day is exactly the same, like Bill Murray experiences in the beloved film. At some point, I need rest from change. There are days I look up to see if the sky might fall because it hasn’t done that yet. I at least look around for Chicken Little. We could become buds. The sky is certainly not falling, but she thinks it is. 

Just when pessimism kicks in, the Lord pulls me out of the rut. There have been many over these two years, and He always pulls me out, but I’m simply tired of them. I lost my dream home. I lost my husband. I lost my daddy. Menopause is really a thing. I’m so tired of loss, I feel like a loser in the juvenile sense. Then I see what Israel is experiencing and realize I don’t know what real change is. What am I complaining about? 

The problems I have are first world. A house is an object. I am not homeless. I’ll see my husband and daddy again in Heaven. I know when and where my next meal will be because I am in a cozy bed at the Lake Yale Baptist Conference Center, waiting for a new day filled with hope. Yes, hope. The reason I have not checked out of life and flipped a trailer in the desert to mope and sulk for the rest of my days. 

I received some good news today that I cannot yet share. More change is coming, and that change will bring more change. Professionally, spiritually, and mentally. Thus I cling to these scriptures. The word of the Lord is mighty and sustaining. I’ll rest at my funeral until Jesus pulls me up for the final time into the biggest and most perfect change. 

God gives me rest every time I open my Bible and sit in His word. It may not be the type of rest I want, but it is always the rest I need. Maybe changes to come will be exciting and less painful. Perhaps even more theatrical and thrilling. All the world is a stage. For now, like the show, life must go on. 

Seeking Sabbath

I’ve been restless all summer, sending signals to the “universe” in Mary Claire code: Please. Send. Sabbath. Good thing God created the Sabbath and commanded us to keep it holy. If I had been listening to Him, I would have already found the Sabbath along with many lowercase sabbaths.

I have two more weekends before I go back to work, teaching creative writing, theatre, and bible study. I am hopeful for a productive and meaningful year, but I can become so burdened with work that I forget to rest in His peace. My life has been through immense turmoil over the last two years. I can recall only a few times I truly rested. 

I’m traveling to see family this weekend. I know it will be fun and eventful, but I am making a verbal promise to find moments of rest and prayer. How do you sabbath? Can we make it a verb?

Rest After Chaos

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Focus on the Positive

One of the dear children I work with has a wonderful family, and his dad gave me some great advice. “If you wake up every morning and ask God to help you only see positive, good things, that will be what you see.”

I’ve written about Elias Mask and his fabulous parents before. It wasn’t until this year that I reached a desperate need to cling to Mr. Mask’s advice. I have been incredibly depressed and in great need for a big push. 

Seek

I was walking in the park today with Molly who is about to turn nine. I can’t believe my little Yorkie will be nine next week. I caught myself being upset that she was getting older while hundreds of birds were singing in the trees. Their little voices calling out in joy, snapping me out of my funk. 

Molly and I were walking with my father who lives with dementia. His decline has been sad, but he loves to walk in the park, and faster than me sometimes. What is there to be sad about when he has an eternity in glory awaiting him? 

Find

The Lord pulls me to safety every time I ask. When I seek Him, he saves me. When I sink into depression and run away from Him, the enemy attacks and tries to pull me away. This spiritual tug of war is exhausting. The Lord always wins when we call upon His name. 

The love of the Lord is wonderful and outweighs the relief of any vice we tend to use. Taking the edge off pains in this life using our own remedies is never enough because our fundamental need is to be reconciled to Him. His face and love is all that matters, and nothing is better. 

I would love to know how you seek and find Him. How do you pray? How do you stay in the word? 

Verses For Grief

It is impossible to grieve normally. Everyone processes things in life differently, especially tragedy or loss. My husband died in January of 2022. It’s been over a year, and I miss him more today than I did a year ago. 

One of the biggest things experts say is, “Do not make major decisions for a year.” Don’t buy a car. Don’t buy a house. Don’t move around the world. This is such good advice. Though many friends support my choices following Chris’ passing, I am living in a sea of second guesses.  

I’ve gone over and over my steps and decisions. If I could do this past year over again, I totally would. Though I cannot dwell in regret and disappointment. I can only live in the moment and make new decisions today. I find myself drowning in loss and regret. When I do not remain in the word daily, I get further out into murky waters. 

These verses remind me that I am not alone. When I get far out into the deep of depression, the word of the Lord is my lifesaver. I must cling to His word in order to survive and be pulled safely back to solid ground. 

John 16:22 / Romans 8:18 / Psalms 73:26 / Isaiah 41:10 / Revelation 21:4

What verses have helped you deal with overwhelming loss and feelings of hopelessness? 

When I Fall Short

It’s three weeks ’til Easter, and I’m in the throes of mounting our school pageant. If you are staging one of those with thirty kids and reaching for magnificence, you know exactly what tired is. I didn’t give up anything for Lent this year. I think I don’t do it most years because I have no will power and know how terrible I’ll feel at the thought of disappointing God. I disappoint Him on a daily basis. Why would I set myself up on purpose for epic fail?

It is no excuse. I do not fast enough. Many of my friends are tweaking at the absence of various vices or comforts they’ve done without for a few weeks, and I admire them. I still have New Year’s weight to lose from a decade ago. But God. He still loves me no matter what kind of loser I am. It’s utterly remarkable. 

Don’t get me wrong. God makes it clear to live holy as a fragrant sacrifice unto Him. He cherishes every sacrifice we make and every trial we endure, but we’re not Jesus. Sometimes love is all we have to give because our flesh is too weak. Humans have gifts, and we do not share them all. Mine is bearing fruit and not being idle. My gift is also to love Him, and I certainly do that with my heart.

Ministry and serving others is the best remedy for depression. The Lord sees my late nights and the passion I put into my work. I must remember that when faith in myself is dim. Or when I can’t say no to burgers and pinot.

I’d love to know what scripture gives you hope when you’re feeling unworthy.

Corinthians For Difficult Change

I’m tired of being a widow, but many people reading this blog want me to talk about being one. Because that is the truth of where I am. My life is completely unrecognizable compared to what it was a year ago. Especially what it was like eighteen months ago. Change is hard, but the Lord brings us into bloom when we think blooming is no longer possible.

Here in north Georgia, the trees are showing off and flowers are waking up. One of my favorite things each spring is to see those flowering trees say, “Good morning. Look at me!” Most everything seems dead and bitter all around them, but they are just springing to life with color and fragrance, making every car ride joyful.

2 Corinthians is filled with transformational teaching. God’s wisdom is always fuel for the greatest renewal. I have been inspired by these verses, especially when change hurts, or I feel life is moving too fast or out of control. 

I would love to learn your favorite Corinthian verses and how they help you through life changes and challenging circumstances. 

Time Flies

Every February, I blink and it’s over. I hate saying goodbye to this month, especially when Georgia sees no snow. I always feel cheated. Just yesterday I mourned the loss of my husband on a lonely Valentine’s Day. Oh, wait. That was two weeks ago. 

No doubt as we get older, time seems to move faster. There is no time to do anything except complain about wanting more. These verses are quite comforting when I feel it slipping away.

Epic

I can dissect the eras of my life by zooming in to each phase. Childhood. High school drama. The blur of college to which I disconnected years ago. Our stories cycle through various eras, but my marriage was quite a journey in and of itself. Eleven years of strange and pain and wonderful. Tiny blue house in a small town. Luxury in China. Beautiful victorian in Atlanta. Retrospect is like watching the evaporation of water molecules through a microscope. 

My grandmother lost her husband when she turned forty-seven. She never remarried, claiming that she was already married. Her partner had just gone away for a while. I wonder if that will be me. I certainly feel like this part of my epic won’t end. I’m not sure I want it to. 

Evanescent

Life is truly a vapor, though. And I absolutely feel it evaporating quicker as we experience it on earth. I’m guilty of moping through loss instead of relishing moments. We must be careful, not only to avoid wasting what we are given, but enjoying each era. The Lord is teaching me things in widowhood, and I catch myself not listening. 

Eternal

If you look at the sun, you see it as it burned about eight minutes ago. Powerful telescopes can probe the universe, examining photons born soon after the big bang. But God sees everything at once. He exists outside the limitations of time, before, now, and forever. 

The sun hasn’t yet ceased to radiate. It’s the world that’s spinning, all of us holding on for dear life, enjoying the beams when they come around and complaining about the darkness. What verses comfort you when to-do lists become difficult or you simply mourn the loss of time?